Sunday, July 21, 2013


Closure. If this particular stay in Mizoram has to have a bookmark to remember it by, it would be Closure.

4 women who I have been more than attracted to.
3 women who I been IN love with.
2 women who broke my heart.
1 woman whose heart I broke.
1 stay in Mizoram after 4 years of carrying a weight, albeit a WELCOME weight in my heart.
1 stay in which all 4 stories were given a certain amount of closure. Chapter emphatically closed.

     The first, my first ever crush. In my ignorant innocence, and in my infinite unluckiness, turned out to be my cousin. The first girl I ever revealed my heart to, and the first person who taught me that by calmness and a friendly touch, the storm within can be quelled.
                            Married. To a man who can hopefully give her what she deserves. May their lives be blessed ^_^

     The second, my only solid relationship till date. The first girl I truly fell in love with. The one who returned my love completely. And to date, the only girl who I unknowingly fell OUT of love with.
                            2 years of heartbreak and heart mending, and she can finally look me in the eyes and tell me that she is over me. I will forever feel deservedly guilty, but atleast now she can move on. I pray and I hope, that she finds the man she truly deserves, and who deserves her too.

     The third, the closest to a close call I’ve ever had. The first, and so far only, girl who became one of my closest and most honest friends in this list. The only girl with whom I could completely be myself with. And the first one to break my heart.
                            Finally in a relationship that she seems to be happy and comfortable in. One of her own choosing, and not one thrust upon her. She’d kick my ass if I tried to bless her relationship :3 but I do hope she has made the right choice.

     The fourth, the only girl I have ever truly desired. The ONLY girl I fell in love with first before knowing for sure the person that she was, and falling even deeper in love with after. The girl who desperately makes me want to be more than myself to be able to get her, while at the same time, makes me want to be just myself, because I truly believe that I have become the person I am in my life, for the kind of person that She has become in hers. The girl who made me forget the pain I tried to cover up and who ended up mending my heart while I was searching for others to do the same.
                             Friendzoned. On the phone first. And now, finally, face to face. At the one date I could finally get with her. Not the way I wanted it to go, but the way I planned it to go. Because I wanted to know that I had tried everything, said everything I could to her. In person. (Though, I ended up not doing the one thing she inspired me to think up. The Dramaqueen act ^_^) I have no idea how things are going to be for us from now on, but atleast she now knows exactly where I stand, and I know, for sure, exactly where she stands.
                                  Closure. And for the first time in YEARS, I feel free.

Some people say you can love only once truly in your life. But I’m only 24 this year. And these 4 will always remain in my heart. I may not be IN love with them anymore or won’t be in the future, but I will always, always, love them.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very honest post.. but good one :)